Why I Wanted to Cry Last Friday

Let me just say it's not easy. It's not easy for me to accept criticism. There you go, one direct shot - my confession.

So if some of you had wondered why I was so emotional last Friday, especially with the obviously-too-obvious Facebook status on Friday - then let me clear it for you: It's all about me being an emotional person.

But hey, can't you give me credit for admitting that I am passionately emotional about my work? Hell, if there's anything I can control in this world, it's what I get to feel about things I am passionate about. Unfortunately, in the environment that I am stuck in at the moment - being emotional comes as a full stop. Emotional. Full stop. Don't work with her. Full stop.

Ever anyone question why she is emotional about her tasks? "Oh, who cares! She's just an emotional person, difficult la work with her... sikit sikit nak marah, sikit sikit nak marah... ingat bagus sangat ke?"

Yup, that's what you get when you love something that you do - "Ingat bagus sangat ke?". Then when you get emotional, the rest of the clan move away whenever you walk into the room. You had a row with A, the next thing you know B doesn't want to talk to you, C turns stone cold, and before you know it, Z is looking away whenever you approach him.

See, that 'you' is me. People find me being radically emotional when I work. But people never give credit that whenever I blow it's right there and then. But no, typical of the sawo matangs. The sawo matangs never give due credits. They give credits only if it credits them back. The sawo matangs find one good reason not to work with you and they hang on to it for the rest of their lives.

OK, sorry I exaggerate... Not all sawo matangs are like that.

*Inhale.... exhale.... inhale... exhale...*

But please know that I am A-OK now. No longer feel like crying, no longer choking when I think about what I thought about on Friday. As have many emotions in my life, the emotions on Friday already passed. No doubt they left trails - like a jelly fish's tails - but hey, gimme credit, I am back to myself like before last Friday ever happened.

One thing though, I am no longer passionate about my work. I fear that my emotions will get in the way again and spoil other people's fun.

:P