It's been a while since I last defraged my emotions. No wonder it's haywire, sometimes making me a walking crazy woman.
Let's see what has been couping up in my mental box that have been messing with my sanity:
1. THE decision. Yes, finally the time to make up my mind on either staying or leaving has come to a final stone. Much emotional wars, SMS fights, name-calling, personality-bashing have occured the past 3 months that have made me decide to stop at least 50% of the torture by torturing myself another 80% more. At least I keep some mouths shut over the decision, and hopefully by keeping them shut, I become the happy me again.
2. Deciding subject #2. THE decision has actually made me think and rethink the life that I have been facing over the decade. If I can make up my mind on subject #1, I know I am able to decide on subject #2. After all, I am sure that I will not die despite whatever decision that I make. Having been in this situation for a decade does not make me a specialist nor it makes me a preacher of the subject matter. All it does me is deeper insanity and tougher personality.
3. The void. The void has become bigger and bigger and provoked a lot of questions in my head that I cannot answer. Much of the void was caused by subject #2.
4. Freedom of speech over in the virtual world vs. Noone in the virtual world takes me too seriously. When I regained my freedom of speech last week, I realized I have no one who'd take me seriously other than the one who gave me freedom. Guess it's a freedom gone to waste.
OK, that's about 30% of the defragmentation needed by my mental state of mind. The remaining 70% will take its process as the days go by. At least I got the ball rolling... :P
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