As the clock ticks away the remaining of 2009, I can't help but feel really sad and empty.
It is like seeing one big book of my life stories closes, stashing away every emotions that overwhelmed me. It makes me feel sad because I know the road ahead is not going to be the same anymore. I will not see the same faces as how I had seen them in that big book. I will not travel the same road every morning as how I would in that big book. I will not feel as safe or as sheltered like when I was in that big book. I probably will not be the same person as I was in that big book.
And when that big book closes, it will never open again.
It was never like this before. Previous 31st Decembers promised the next day would still be similar. That I could expect slight improvements or minor alterations. Whatever that would be, I knew that I would be able to adapt to the new date or the new process. I knew that my emotional being would be able to handle the oncoming hits, because those hits may just be as hard or as subtle as before.
But not this time. This time, 31st December cannot tell me the same. It tells me to be ready but it doesn't say for what. It says the road is not the same but it doesn't say which way. It says I will change, but I am not told in what sense. It's like I am standing in a dark room, not knowing what to expect.
I have no one to blame for this but myself. I scripted it this way because I needed to save me from jumping off a cliff. I had to save myself from the inner and the outer voices. I needed to prove my courage to someone who never fail to find the silliest of reasons to condemn my every action. I had to prove that I mean what I said, and that I have no fear of standing up to my own words.
At the cost of standing in the dark room. Facing uncertainty. All alone. Sad and empty.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
As The Day Comes
As the final day approaches, more and more emotions appear. Some appear and disappear right away; some appear and become stronger the next day.
It's like I can go crazy anytime, if I choose to let those emotions take control of me.
Especially the lone drive home. When the body is tired and lose grip of the mind, and the mind just wanders off into all corners of the memories. Faces start flashing across the vision, closely followed by a tinge of unexplainable bittersweet feeling. Sometimes there's a subtle but noticeable pricking feeling that makes me feel empty and lost, knowing that those faces are marked permanently in my history and forever remain a part of me.
I have never spent this long being in an organization. Never had too many emotions tagged to one place; never loved a job more than I can ever explain. It was a place I called home, a place I was comfortable, where I felt belonged and was in place. It was my sanctuary away from life's cynical acts. It was my shelter.
This place saw me grow from one person with confidence she did not know she had to one who knows exactly when to exert it. It allowed my esteem to soar high. On my first day here, I was like an egg - motionless, useless. Over time, the egg hatched into a meaningless larva. And as if the larva had a clock, on one fine day it started webbing, bit by bit, little by little, non-stop and around the clock until its whole body turned into a hard cocoon. Then when the time is just right, not a moment less nor a moment more, the cocoon broke and free a butterfly with its unique colors and patches.
I was that egg. I am now that butterfly.
My unique colors are blotches from those people whom I crossed paths, those who walked along with me, those whose life I touched and touched mine back in return. Each and everyone of them contributed to the colors of my personality.
Along the way, strands upon strands of friendships were made. Some broken along the way due to conflicts and misunderstandings. Some died of natural causes. Some wilted away unattended while some just chose a different path and never turned back. Where one strand ends, the other begins.
But I am lucky to discover many strong strands that provided support and love when I needed some. Those strands became the cushion when I fell, became the ropes that hoisted me up on my feet again. They withstood my temper, my turmoil, my roller coaster rides. They formed a wall so that I can bounce back and be myself again.
Not a day that I forget to remind myself how blessed I have been being here. And I am forever grateful for each and every moment. Not one will I erase no matter how bitter or how painful it was. Not one will I value more than the other, for they all make up the beautiful years I have had here.
To all that I have known the last eight years, I only have these to say:
Thank you for the light when I was in darkness.
Thank you for the guidance when I got lost.
Thank you for the cheer when I was struggling, and the celebration when I made it through.
Thank you for laughters when I was crying, thank you for the lift when you saw me falling.
But most importantly,
Thank you for believing in me when in me, I see nothing.
It's like I can go crazy anytime, if I choose to let those emotions take control of me.
Especially the lone drive home. When the body is tired and lose grip of the mind, and the mind just wanders off into all corners of the memories. Faces start flashing across the vision, closely followed by a tinge of unexplainable bittersweet feeling. Sometimes there's a subtle but noticeable pricking feeling that makes me feel empty and lost, knowing that those faces are marked permanently in my history and forever remain a part of me.
I have never spent this long being in an organization. Never had too many emotions tagged to one place; never loved a job more than I can ever explain. It was a place I called home, a place I was comfortable, where I felt belonged and was in place. It was my sanctuary away from life's cynical acts. It was my shelter.
This place saw me grow from one person with confidence she did not know she had to one who knows exactly when to exert it. It allowed my esteem to soar high. On my first day here, I was like an egg - motionless, useless. Over time, the egg hatched into a meaningless larva. And as if the larva had a clock, on one fine day it started webbing, bit by bit, little by little, non-stop and around the clock until its whole body turned into a hard cocoon. Then when the time is just right, not a moment less nor a moment more, the cocoon broke and free a butterfly with its unique colors and patches.
I was that egg. I am now that butterfly.
My unique colors are blotches from those people whom I crossed paths, those who walked along with me, those whose life I touched and touched mine back in return. Each and everyone of them contributed to the colors of my personality.
Along the way, strands upon strands of friendships were made. Some broken along the way due to conflicts and misunderstandings. Some died of natural causes. Some wilted away unattended while some just chose a different path and never turned back. Where one strand ends, the other begins.
But I am lucky to discover many strong strands that provided support and love when I needed some. Those strands became the cushion when I fell, became the ropes that hoisted me up on my feet again. They withstood my temper, my turmoil, my roller coaster rides. They formed a wall so that I can bounce back and be myself again.
Not a day that I forget to remind myself how blessed I have been being here. And I am forever grateful for each and every moment. Not one will I erase no matter how bitter or how painful it was. Not one will I value more than the other, for they all make up the beautiful years I have had here.
To all that I have known the last eight years, I only have these to say:
Thank you for the light when I was in darkness.
Thank you for the guidance when I got lost.
Thank you for the cheer when I was struggling, and the celebration when I made it through.
Thank you for laughters when I was crying, thank you for the lift when you saw me falling.
But most importantly,
Thank you for believing in me when in me, I see nothing.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
HAH!
Really, I can't even bring myself to think of you without feeling like stranggling you alive.
I keep telling myself that it is because you are as such, is the reason why you are where you are. A person who does not need to use much of the god-given brain. Air-head. Can't even do your own job well but has the knack to make comments on how others do their work.
So what if I wanted to fill up the courier forms myself? So what if I decide I will not 'burden' you because I know you will still make smart-ass comments on me? So what if I am one who wants to finish the work that I start? Bloody hell my choice, isn't it?
It ain't you who pay the remaining of my salary here, lady! And I'm so fucking happy that there will come a day that the first thing I see when I walk into an office is NOT your snorty face.
Please lah, don't pride on the promotion when in reality, people complain on how you answer calls. You ain't professional, woman! You don't do justice to the image of the organization!
But hey, if I tell this to you, you'd CNN the whole world that I think I'm good. You'd be too bitter to even smile at me, probably wishing I'd zapp off that very moment. Well, here's the news, honey, I will not be here any more in a number of days and you can have the floor all to yourself. Go ahead and answer the calls your way, coz I ain't gonna be around to pick up those calls for you with my professionalism. No one's going to compare, coz no one can tell between glass and diamond.
But I ain't gonna bash myself over an air-head like you. I will spend the rest of my days here gracefully, coz I know I will never have to deal with you again.
All the best!
I keep telling myself that it is because you are as such, is the reason why you are where you are. A person who does not need to use much of the god-given brain. Air-head. Can't even do your own job well but has the knack to make comments on how others do their work.
So what if I wanted to fill up the courier forms myself? So what if I decide I will not 'burden' you because I know you will still make smart-ass comments on me? So what if I am one who wants to finish the work that I start? Bloody hell my choice, isn't it?
It ain't you who pay the remaining of my salary here, lady! And I'm so fucking happy that there will come a day that the first thing I see when I walk into an office is NOT your snorty face.
Please lah, don't pride on the promotion when in reality, people complain on how you answer calls. You ain't professional, woman! You don't do justice to the image of the organization!
But hey, if I tell this to you, you'd CNN the whole world that I think I'm good. You'd be too bitter to even smile at me, probably wishing I'd zapp off that very moment. Well, here's the news, honey, I will not be here any more in a number of days and you can have the floor all to yourself. Go ahead and answer the calls your way, coz I ain't gonna be around to pick up those calls for you with my professionalism. No one's going to compare, coz no one can tell between glass and diamond.
But I ain't gonna bash myself over an air-head like you. I will spend the rest of my days here gracefully, coz I know I will never have to deal with you again.
All the best!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Defragmenting the Sanity
It's been a while since I last defraged my emotions. No wonder it's haywire, sometimes making me a walking crazy woman.
Let's see what has been couping up in my mental box that have been messing with my sanity:
1. THE decision. Yes, finally the time to make up my mind on either staying or leaving has come to a final stone. Much emotional wars, SMS fights, name-calling, personality-bashing have occured the past 3 months that have made me decide to stop at least 50% of the torture by torturing myself another 80% more. At least I keep some mouths shut over the decision, and hopefully by keeping them shut, I become the happy me again.
2. Deciding subject #2. THE decision has actually made me think and rethink the life that I have been facing over the decade. If I can make up my mind on subject #1, I know I am able to decide on subject #2. After all, I am sure that I will not die despite whatever decision that I make. Having been in this situation for a decade does not make me a specialist nor it makes me a preacher of the subject matter. All it does me is deeper insanity and tougher personality.
3. The void. The void has become bigger and bigger and provoked a lot of questions in my head that I cannot answer. Much of the void was caused by subject #2.
4. Freedom of speech over in the virtual world vs. Noone in the virtual world takes me too seriously. When I regained my freedom of speech last week, I realized I have no one who'd take me seriously other than the one who gave me freedom. Guess it's a freedom gone to waste.
OK, that's about 30% of the defragmentation needed by my mental state of mind. The remaining 70% will take its process as the days go by. At least I got the ball rolling... :P
Let's see what has been couping up in my mental box that have been messing with my sanity:
1. THE decision. Yes, finally the time to make up my mind on either staying or leaving has come to a final stone. Much emotional wars, SMS fights, name-calling, personality-bashing have occured the past 3 months that have made me decide to stop at least 50% of the torture by torturing myself another 80% more. At least I keep some mouths shut over the decision, and hopefully by keeping them shut, I become the happy me again.
2. Deciding subject #2. THE decision has actually made me think and rethink the life that I have been facing over the decade. If I can make up my mind on subject #1, I know I am able to decide on subject #2. After all, I am sure that I will not die despite whatever decision that I make. Having been in this situation for a decade does not make me a specialist nor it makes me a preacher of the subject matter. All it does me is deeper insanity and tougher personality.
3. The void. The void has become bigger and bigger and provoked a lot of questions in my head that I cannot answer. Much of the void was caused by subject #2.
4. Freedom of speech over in the virtual world vs. Noone in the virtual world takes me too seriously. When I regained my freedom of speech last week, I realized I have no one who'd take me seriously other than the one who gave me freedom. Guess it's a freedom gone to waste.
OK, that's about 30% of the defragmentation needed by my mental state of mind. The remaining 70% will take its process as the days go by. At least I got the ball rolling... :P
Monday, November 9, 2009
Letting Go...
A close friend of mine was having a difficult time to move on into a new relationship. She was reminded of her previous love every time the new guy called her or texted her.
As much as I push her to forget the past, I know for a fact that it is not easy. It is always easier said than done to move on, to forget, to forgive or to just let go. It is easier to tell someone to erase some fond memories of flings, but harder to do it yourself. It is hard to forgive, to not remember the pain people caused you, to not associate a certain smell to a certain heartache. It simple to just blank out your mind than to forget beautiful conversations at a specific place with a specific special someone .
Simply put, it is not easy to let go.
Of anything.
Anger, pain, love, longing, emptiness, loneliness, everything.
Because you are constantly reminded of sweet events when your are lonely. Because you are sure to remember things that made you happy and full. Because you, simply put, can't yet let go.
And when you are just not letting go, you are carrying with you that emotional burden that is just too heavy to lug around. It tires your mind; it heavies your soul. And it stops you from moving on, because you keep wishing that you were still in that situation where happiness is all you knew.
It's as much a matter of the heart as it is of the mind.
Sometimes you think that you have moved on, but one day a hard brick hit you hard and you realize you have not. The feeling is very much still strong in your heart. For all you know, you have been living in denial. That you have moved on. When in reality you are still stuck at number 1.
Sometimes I'd say it's OK not to let go. Just as long as you still try to take baby steps. I'd say don't forget the beautiful memories you had then, and keep trying to make new ones. No one can replace those wonderful moments there were; no one can take that away from us. But I also know, that those beautiful memories would drag you into melancholic moods too deep to even reach out for help.
So sometimes, I too get confused - to let go or not to let go.
Trust me, I know.
P/S: And it's not about work...
As much as I push her to forget the past, I know for a fact that it is not easy. It is always easier said than done to move on, to forget, to forgive or to just let go. It is easier to tell someone to erase some fond memories of flings, but harder to do it yourself. It is hard to forgive, to not remember the pain people caused you, to not associate a certain smell to a certain heartache. It simple to just blank out your mind than to forget beautiful conversations at a specific place with a specific special someone .
Simply put, it is not easy to let go.
Of anything.
Anger, pain, love, longing, emptiness, loneliness, everything.
Because you are constantly reminded of sweet events when your are lonely. Because you are sure to remember things that made you happy and full. Because you, simply put, can't yet let go.
And when you are just not letting go, you are carrying with you that emotional burden that is just too heavy to lug around. It tires your mind; it heavies your soul. And it stops you from moving on, because you keep wishing that you were still in that situation where happiness is all you knew.
It's as much a matter of the heart as it is of the mind.
Sometimes you think that you have moved on, but one day a hard brick hit you hard and you realize you have not. The feeling is very much still strong in your heart. For all you know, you have been living in denial. That you have moved on. When in reality you are still stuck at number 1.
Sometimes I'd say it's OK not to let go. Just as long as you still try to take baby steps. I'd say don't forget the beautiful memories you had then, and keep trying to make new ones. No one can replace those wonderful moments there were; no one can take that away from us. But I also know, that those beautiful memories would drag you into melancholic moods too deep to even reach out for help.
So sometimes, I too get confused - to let go or not to let go.
Trust me, I know.
P/S: And it's not about work...
Monday, November 2, 2009
I Miss Me...
I miss being that confident person who thinks she can deceive people that she's happy.
I miss being that person who has waves of emotions sweeping over her.
I miss being that person who pretends that she can handle everything in life.
I miss being that person who despite having tonnes of negativities, can still be positive when she needs to.
I miss being that person who always have something to look forward to in life.
I miss being that woman who thinks she can seduce a man with a wink.
I miss being that girl who loves to play naughty and giggle at the slightest of humor.
I miss being that someone who will throw smiles at strangers.
I miss being that girl who loves life.
I miss being that capable, strong, independent woman.
I miss being me.
I miss being that person who has waves of emotions sweeping over her.
I miss being that person who pretends that she can handle everything in life.
I miss being that person who despite having tonnes of negativities, can still be positive when she needs to.
I miss being that person who always have something to look forward to in life.
I miss being that woman who thinks she can seduce a man with a wink.
I miss being that girl who loves to play naughty and giggle at the slightest of humor.
I miss being that someone who will throw smiles at strangers.
I miss being that girl who loves life.
I miss being that capable, strong, independent woman.
I miss being me.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Paradigm Paralyzed
When I got that piece of paper saying that I had to go for a training, I wasn't excited. The name bores me even before me attending it - "Cross Functional Mapping Workshop".
What is that? I asked for project management training and this is what I got?
Blaaahhh...
What made me even heavier to attend the training was that I was instructed to take up a new post, and I was battling with myself to accept that change. And I was battling with myself that the training will not do me any good, being me in that new post and all.
As the week approached, I was finding reasons not to go.
But I went anyway.
Training was smooth, I was always looking forward to coffee and tea breaks. Day one went real quick and I expected day two to be the same.
Training spoke of things I can apply back in the office - but being one who was in a battle to accept the new change, I wasn't too bothered.
Until...
Towards the end of the second (also the last) day, the instructor played a video by Joel Barker - the man who made famous the idea on paradigm. The video caught my attention from the very beginning. He spoke of how we all need changes, how we all need to adapt quickly to changes, that changes come whether we want it or not.
I felt like I was slapped on the face. Hey, he wasn't talking about an organization; he was talking about ME! I was the one going through this change, and I was resisting it emotionally and mentally. Just because I fear of the connation the title brings, and fear that I would not grow in my career from here onwards.
I had tonnes and tonnes of unjustifiable fears that no one could help answer. I was resisting the change causing me to lose control over my emotional being.
Then, Joel Baker, who had not stopped slapping me on my face since the beginning of the video, spanked me again with the term "paradigm paralysis" - the inability or refusal to see beyond the current models of thinking.
Like I was taken out of a tunnel, the light suddenly hit my eyes. My nerves stopped firing for the longest time, my heart stopped pumping. The only thing I could hear at that moment was: "Dang! That's ME!!"
And so I became the 'paradigm invalid'. Bedridden too long in the previous state of mind that I was unable to accept changes or new ideas. I was paralyzed the moment I was thrown a new notion.
But I pray that I don't stay as a paradigm-paralyzed individual for long. It consumes too much of my mental state of being...
:)
What is that? I asked for project management training and this is what I got?
Blaaahhh...
What made me even heavier to attend the training was that I was instructed to take up a new post, and I was battling with myself to accept that change. And I was battling with myself that the training will not do me any good, being me in that new post and all.
As the week approached, I was finding reasons not to go.
But I went anyway.
Training was smooth, I was always looking forward to coffee and tea breaks. Day one went real quick and I expected day two to be the same.
Training spoke of things I can apply back in the office - but being one who was in a battle to accept the new change, I wasn't too bothered.
Until...
Towards the end of the second (also the last) day, the instructor played a video by Joel Barker - the man who made famous the idea on paradigm. The video caught my attention from the very beginning. He spoke of how we all need changes, how we all need to adapt quickly to changes, that changes come whether we want it or not.
I felt like I was slapped on the face. Hey, he wasn't talking about an organization; he was talking about ME! I was the one going through this change, and I was resisting it emotionally and mentally. Just because I fear of the connation the title brings, and fear that I would not grow in my career from here onwards.
I had tonnes and tonnes of unjustifiable fears that no one could help answer. I was resisting the change causing me to lose control over my emotional being.
Then, Joel Baker, who had not stopped slapping me on my face since the beginning of the video, spanked me again with the term "paradigm paralysis" - the inability or refusal to see beyond the current models of thinking.
Like I was taken out of a tunnel, the light suddenly hit my eyes. My nerves stopped firing for the longest time, my heart stopped pumping. The only thing I could hear at that moment was: "Dang! That's ME!!"
And so I became the 'paradigm invalid'. Bedridden too long in the previous state of mind that I was unable to accept changes or new ideas. I was paralyzed the moment I was thrown a new notion.
But I pray that I don't stay as a paradigm-paralyzed individual for long. It consumes too much of my mental state of being...
:)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wanna Know Why?
Today I just wanna be blunt.
I'm so not in the mood to beat around the bush like I always have.
I know you must be angry when you found out I blocked you in Facebook. I know when you see me at the office, you smile but when I pass, you stick your tongue out and hate me guts.
But you must also know that you have not been giving me my space, you have not been my friend, let alone being my supporter when in time I need one. You love to read what I write, not to better your English, but to speculate whom I am angry with, what wrong I've done, whose toes I stepped on. You love to whisper behind my back, never to confront me for you never have balls. You love to follow my Facebook statuses knowing that you have things to talk about during lunch, during work, during whenever.
But you must know that I write because I love to. I write because it's a form of therapy. I write because I have decided that only one or two of my real friends will know how much I really hate you or despise you, but I can face you and work with you professionally. Because you hate working with emotional people like me. Because we all know that emotional people put passion into their work.
So from stopping you to speculate me and especially now in my present seat, I have to block you. From reading me and my emotions, from speculating whom I am upset with, from you thinking that I was writing about my superior.
But don't be too upset. You are not alone. There's few of you out there, because you all share the same traits - the typical Malay who will always stay typical.
Though some may only get to see my wall and not my statuses, you all actually share the same reason.
Owh, and another thing - you were never my friend.
:P
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
What's in My Head
Probably you wonder what have been going on in my head with all the Facebook statuses.
Probably by the time you read this, those turmoil I have would either be inflated or deflated, all formalized by a piece of signed paper.
You see, in times when I contemplate to move to a new pasture, I was offered, or rather, instructed to fill in a new post. It has been almost 3 weeks that I toyed with the idea, despite knowing that it is irreversible. Like I can do anything much, anyway. :P
What I fear most is not knowing what size of shoes I have to fill. It feels like I am venturing into a dark tunnel, all alone and blinded to all debris and whatnots there'd be on its ground. It's tough enough that I have been venturing this journey alone; now that it's pitch dark and no hands to guide me, I know I am bound to falls and knocks and bruises and oh-oh's.
I know, however, my communication instruments will not fail me. These could probably save me at the end of the tunnel. But what if there's no signal and I can't reach out for help? Do I halt my journey and pray help would fall from the ceiling?
Being here for too long, I know I'd hear voices from a far distance. Voices that are not encouraging, persuading me to give up and join them. Voices that smirk when I cry; clapping their invisible hands when I fall. And knowing that I will be alone, I will have to wipe my own tears and nurse my bruise. Do I have the strength to bear these? Yes, I know that I have been strong in my path but how do I know I can hold on for much longer? In life, whether we want it or not, when pain hits us, we still have to breathe and live. We can't end our life by clicking the Save button like in a computer game, and continue from that point onwards whenever we feel like it. We fall, we get hurt, we cry, we get up, we learn and we move on.
But somehow, I feel it's different with work. We fall, we get hurt, we cry and we contemplate whether it's worth the hurt to move on the same path again or bail out. Bailing out is always an option. But bailing out, to me, is a way of giving up. And bailing out, to me is a sign of weakness - something my ego can never agree with. I can never justify to myself that bailing out even after being battered is the way to go. Although I do feel stupid staying on.
So that's my fear.
But I also know that there'd be occasional voices that would give positive charges to my dwindling energy. Those that would cheer me on for me to get to the end of the very long tunnel. I know they'd be very faint and I'd have to pay extra attention to them, knowing that it will take yonks for me to hear them again. I will have to use these positive charges sparingly, like pawning the last of my prized jewelry.
And now you know. Why emotions swamped me the last week or so.
My fear. But I read somewhere that fear actually stands for False Evidences Appearing Real... Wonder how if that applies in my case.
:)
Probably by the time you read this, those turmoil I have would either be inflated or deflated, all formalized by a piece of signed paper.
You see, in times when I contemplate to move to a new pasture, I was offered, or rather, instructed to fill in a new post. It has been almost 3 weeks that I toyed with the idea, despite knowing that it is irreversible. Like I can do anything much, anyway. :P
What I fear most is not knowing what size of shoes I have to fill. It feels like I am venturing into a dark tunnel, all alone and blinded to all debris and whatnots there'd be on its ground. It's tough enough that I have been venturing this journey alone; now that it's pitch dark and no hands to guide me, I know I am bound to falls and knocks and bruises and oh-oh's.
I know, however, my communication instruments will not fail me. These could probably save me at the end of the tunnel. But what if there's no signal and I can't reach out for help? Do I halt my journey and pray help would fall from the ceiling?
Being here for too long, I know I'd hear voices from a far distance. Voices that are not encouraging, persuading me to give up and join them. Voices that smirk when I cry; clapping their invisible hands when I fall. And knowing that I will be alone, I will have to wipe my own tears and nurse my bruise. Do I have the strength to bear these? Yes, I know that I have been strong in my path but how do I know I can hold on for much longer? In life, whether we want it or not, when pain hits us, we still have to breathe and live. We can't end our life by clicking the Save button like in a computer game, and continue from that point onwards whenever we feel like it. We fall, we get hurt, we cry, we get up, we learn and we move on.
But somehow, I feel it's different with work. We fall, we get hurt, we cry and we contemplate whether it's worth the hurt to move on the same path again or bail out. Bailing out is always an option. But bailing out, to me, is a way of giving up. And bailing out, to me is a sign of weakness - something my ego can never agree with. I can never justify to myself that bailing out even after being battered is the way to go. Although I do feel stupid staying on.
So that's my fear.
But I also know that there'd be occasional voices that would give positive charges to my dwindling energy. Those that would cheer me on for me to get to the end of the very long tunnel. I know they'd be very faint and I'd have to pay extra attention to them, knowing that it will take yonks for me to hear them again. I will have to use these positive charges sparingly, like pawning the last of my prized jewelry.
And now you know. Why emotions swamped me the last week or so.
My fear. But I read somewhere that fear actually stands for False Evidences Appearing Real... Wonder how if that applies in my case.
:)
My 100th Entry...
Without me even counting, I have reached my 100th entry. I once promised myself that if I ever reach 100, I would seriously consider making a book out of my blog. Now that the big 100 is right smack in my face, I wonder where I should start.
Or probably I should never bother. Besides, good things sometimes roll in your open arms without you expecting it.
*chuckles*
Or probably I should never bother. Besides, good things sometimes roll in your open arms without you expecting it.
*chuckles*
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