Crossroad

You know how it is, to be at one. When you need to choose to either go left or right. When you have to choose between two.

I felt the crossroad as if it was real today, even when it was only perceived. Yes, my crossroad was just in my perception. Because I haven't come to the crossroad yet. Not yet, but soon.

I honestly thought I have decided. I really thought I have. I really thought I wanted it. But I do want it. I want it because it will be too late if I don't now.

But when I saw his face, his expectation and his empowerment weakened me. He made me guilty for thinking of the road I want to take. For needing the path. He is the one person who sees me in a different light, the one person whom I serve with great pleasure.

Would I be able to tell him that I choose to walk out the door and not stay? And leave my babies behind. My babies. My love. He, who entrusted me with the babies. He, who encouraged my skills, and respected my love for the babies.

But I have to wait till end of next year to see my babies again. I'll be too old to move by then. I'll be 35, and not a good age to walk out into a new neighborhood. It's not a time to learn to walk; it's a time to climb. And I need to climb. But I'll miss my babies.

Will I be able to look into his eyes and bid farewell to the person who treats me like his eyes, his hands and his legs? The one person who treats me human in the world of slaves? Will I?

I don't know. I wish the crossroad will not give me a hard time deciding when I come to it.

After all, I still have not seen it.