Jiwa Kacau

JK, she calls me. JK stands for Jiwa Kacau.

Very kacau la lately, I admit. I can't seem to be able to handle it. I try to blame one thing for it, yet when I really look, there's actually more than 10 reasons to my jiwa kacau.

It's so obvious that even a friend said I haven't been myself lately, and she's only judging that through my Facebook statuses. Well, I am a born transparent! What can I do?

For weeks, some kind of poisonous liquid has been flowing in my veins. I can feel it destructing my positivities. When the poison is not doing its job, I can feel that I'm being myself. But when the poison starts flowing again, I'm like a scorpion ready to sting.

Even the smallest of gedik-ness nauseates me when I have JK. Oh please, don't come and play buddy-buddy with me when I have JK. Please don't come and tell me about missing your girlfriend. Please don't come to me and try making friendly conversations without knowing the facts. And please, and this is most important, watch your step! You may unknowingly step on my toes and this scorpion will sting you without you knowing why!

I hate this. This is not me. Yes, I am a scorpion, but a scorpion that shies away when it doesn't feel like stinging. Yes, I am a tigress, but a tigress that roars to protect itself, its territory and its cubs.

I don't sting without reasons; I don't roar without being provoked. Not before.

*sigh*

I hope this phase ends soon.

Or is this mid-life crisis?