Letting Go...

A close friend of mine was having a difficult time to move on into a new relationship. She was reminded of her previous love every time the new guy called her or texted her.

As much as I push her to forget the past, I know for a fact that it is not easy. It is always easier said than done to move on, to forget, to forgive or to just let go. It is easier to tell someone to erase some fond memories of flings, but harder to do it yourself. It is hard to forgive, to not remember the pain people caused you, to not associate a certain smell to a certain heartache. It simple to just blank out your mind than to forget beautiful conversations at a specific place with a specific special someone .

Simply put, it is not easy to let go.

Of anything.

Anger, pain, love, longing, emptiness, loneliness, everything.

Because you are constantly reminded of sweet events when your are lonely. Because you are sure to remember things that made you happy and full. Because you, simply put, can't yet let go.

And when you are just not letting go, you are carrying with you that emotional burden that is just too heavy to lug around. It tires your mind; it heavies your soul. And it stops you from moving on, because you keep wishing that you were still in that situation where happiness is all you knew.

It's as much a matter of the heart as it is of the mind.

Sometimes you think that you have moved on, but one day a hard brick hit you hard and you realize you have not. The feeling is very much still strong in your heart. For all you know, you have been living in denial. That you have moved on. When in reality you are still stuck at number 1.

Sometimes I'd say it's OK not to let go. Just as long as you still try to take baby steps. I'd say don't forget the beautiful memories you had then, and keep trying to make new ones. No one can replace those wonderful moments there were; no one can take that away from us. But I also know, that those beautiful memories would drag you into melancholic moods too deep to even reach out for help.

So sometimes, I too get confused - to let go or not to let go.

Trust me, I know.

P/S: And it's not about work...

I Miss Me...

I miss being that confident person who thinks she can deceive people that she's happy.
I miss being that person who has waves of emotions sweeping over her.
I miss being that person who pretends that she can handle everything in life.
I miss being that person who despite having tonnes of negativities, can still be positive when she needs to.
I miss being that person who always have something to look forward to in life.
I miss being that woman who thinks she can seduce a man with a wink.
I miss being that girl who loves to play naughty and giggle at the slightest of humor.
I miss being that someone who will throw smiles at strangers.
I miss being that girl who loves life.
I miss being that capable, strong, independent woman.
I miss being me.