Mama's Proud of You

My dear daughter,


I know I have not been very kind to you. I have set a very high expectation over you, just like how your atok and nenek had been to me when I was at your age.

I know I have not been understanding, that I have been pushing, that I have expected you to be matured before your time.

I know I may have pushed you to accept life's hardest fact, when I should be telling you that things will be alright.

I am sorry, anakku. I am sorry that you may have to bear the burden at such a young age, when you should be enjoying your teen years growing up with friends and laughters.

I know that I have not been fair to you, that I may not shower you with much love and attention that you may need.

But seeing these pictures tonight, makes me even more shamed for the things I have blamed you for the last years. I hope I have not gone too far as to make you a bitter person and hate me all your life.

I can see that you are much loved among your friends, despite the differences among your skin color and mother-tounge. I can see that you fit well, my dear... just like those compliments thrown your way that I often brush aside.

You have blossomed into a young woman who knows no boundary in love. Just as how I'd want you to be.

Spread the love you have, anakku. Trust that those love will come back to you and hold you strong whenever you need them to.

Face the world and never let it pulls you down. No one can pull you down except for yourself.

Be strong. Be independent. Be dependable. For life is never kind, no matter how kind you are to humankind.

But remember most of all, mama's proud of you...

I love you.

Mama

I Miss My Writing...

And finally, I am lost for words to write.

For the last two years, I have been chunking emotions upon emotions into my writing and one day I woke up not having anything to say.

It feels wierd because I practically searched every inch of my emotional closet and I couldn't find anything to write about. My mind has gone blank. I'm having visions that my possible writing career crushed.

What could be the reason for my mind-block? Is it because I am home mostly and not having to deal with frustrations, anger and hatred? Or is it the other way round?

Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.

I miss my writing...

Thunder, Rain and My Mom

I was sitting at my parents living room when thunder started to sound. In less than a minute, rain started to pour.

My father and sister was staring at the blank television that had no signal from Astro.

As I looked up from White and onto my father and the whole house, I was brought back to days of me growing up.

In those days, whenever there was thunder, my mom would quickly switch off all electrical appliances. I remember getting scolded thousands of times because I refused to switch off the television when there was thunder and lightning. I hated rain back then... it took me away from my favorite series.

We would sit in the dark until the rain stopped. Really was not fun.

But today the scene was totally different - 3 fans still turning, one television turned on, the house was well lit. For a moment I wanted to asked my mom, when did she change her attitude towards thunder and lightning... But I didn't want to spoil it...

I love my mom... :)

Love...

"Loving someone you cannot have is so much better than having someone you cannot love."

:)