Yes, yes... I admit I speak too much sometimes. I always have comments and I always find flaws in everything and anything that others do.
Especially when it comes to managing people's expectation, staff or project.
Because I always sit on this side and not that. Like the saying - easier said than done.
Because my projects have always consisted of me, me and me. (And a clerk to help with documentation and heavy lifting tasks.)
Because I deal directly with the big boss.
So this is my first. To prove my point and to practise what I preach. To not do those mistakes I pointed out.
But it's not easy. Yes, I, the one who talks so much and does so little, admit that managing a project is not easy. Every micro-angle needs to be analysed. I can't do what I used to do - on the spot decision, harsh rejection, spur of the moment bashing.
Because this time, I deal with human and not robots. Because human have varying understanding of matters, different perspectives. Because I am not the client. And they are not the contractors.
Those jargons from Human Relations 101 seem to line up and take turns to appear in the scene. Delegation. Done. Communication. Done. Empowerment. Done.
Opps, STOP! Back track. Empowerment. Review needed.
I learnt that empowerment creates sense of ownership that may contribute to the success of a project. But unmonitored empowerment may cause staff to take advantage and use the power to his/her own benefits. But if you empower, yet you monitor, what's the point of empowering?
The problem of managing a project alone is that you and only you are accountable and answerable for everything that you do. So to avoid scrutiny, ions have to be laid out, analyzed and carefully planned. Even the alternative plans are laid out in case of emergency.
The problem of managing a project alone is that your brain works 24/7. Even your dreams become your drawing board. You breathe, eat, drink, smell the project. You practically live your every day in it.
The problem of managing a project alone is that when you have to manage a group of people to do what you do best alone, you tend to want to see the picture all the time. Because working alone puts you constantly behind the wheel, you wonder where the wheel is and start to hallucinate a functional wheel.
One really has to make numerous stops to analyze the situation. To guide or to let them figure out on their own. To dictate or not to dictate. To get consensus or to veto.
Wow. What experience.
Sure will keep my mouth shut for a while.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Believe What You Read, Not!
I guess I may have stirred some emotions with my previous entry.
I'm elated!
See, I was actually experimenting with my writing. There was nothing interesting in politics, kids are still learning Maths and Science in English, weather has been swell, life seems mundane and I have nothing to write!
OK, I was feeling a bit low when I started writing. But hey, everyone has their low moments! So, why cuff me and put me in jail? Don't tell me you never feel sad even once in your life. You must be either thick-skinned or just plain robot.
When I got to the second part (after *sigh*), I felt a pang in my chest when I typed "I feel sad not knowing happiness". Then I thought, why not I give it a try and explain what sadness is. You can't blame a writer, can you? A writer needs a practise field, and my practise field is my blog. You think this is my diary? Snap out of it! And I am not writing my daily affairs, OK? If you need half-daily update on my life, read my Facebook status.
I don't paint beautiful pictures, I paint life's true feelings.
I don't fictionalize. All those feelings that I wrote were real. All feelings that I will write are real. My feelings as how I feel it. But I only write when I am in the moment. So those feelings were real at time of writing (or should I say, typing). Some were even long gone before I click the "Publish Post" button. So please erase the impression that I am having a sad life. I am living a life with all of its emotions in much abundance. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel angry, I get excited. I am normal. So if you never feel happy, or sad, or angry, or know how pure absurd it feels for tripping on the side walk, then I suggest you enroll in Emo 101.
I am a writer. I write.
I take it to another level where I try to relate to you what I feel, in my own words. I elaborate where needed, I simplify where I should, I use repetitious tones to create emotions. I try different styles, different tones, different ways as and when I feel like it. I experiment with words, I turn nouns into verbs and toss in some irregularities like spice to the curry. But the rest is your creation. Trust me, I didn't make you feel sad when you read my entry on sadness. It's you, you did it to yourself!
See, your eyes capture the words on the screen and send them to your brain. The brain, in the fastest speed not described by men, analyzes, searches and matches those words with the emotions in your memory bank. The moment they match, signals are strewn all over your body and whether it likes it or not, it reacts exactly as how the words are supposed to feel as according to your dictionary defined by you. Your heart races, you palpitate, you salivate, your pupils dilate... All these in less than a nanosecond. And you say I'm the sad one? No, you are! I'm just the writer... :)
Gosh, written words are powerful.
So powerful that people believe what they read. And they believe it as how they want to believe it. No wonder people buy newspapers. I guess the rationale of newspapers is that you can read it over and over again and everytime you read it, you get a different understanding and that makes newspapers sell. People just want to re-believe what they read. :P
So next time you read anything, please don't take it at face value. It may be your brain deceiving you.
:D
P/S: I totally understand if you refuse to read my column in The Star (*wink* reading is believing).
I'm elated!
See, I was actually experimenting with my writing. There was nothing interesting in politics, kids are still learning Maths and Science in English, weather has been swell, life seems mundane and I have nothing to write!
OK, I was feeling a bit low when I started writing. But hey, everyone has their low moments! So, why cuff me and put me in jail? Don't tell me you never feel sad even once in your life. You must be either thick-skinned or just plain robot.
When I got to the second part (after *sigh*), I felt a pang in my chest when I typed "I feel sad not knowing happiness". Then I thought, why not I give it a try and explain what sadness is. You can't blame a writer, can you? A writer needs a practise field, and my practise field is my blog. You think this is my diary? Snap out of it! And I am not writing my daily affairs, OK? If you need half-daily update on my life, read my Facebook status.
I don't paint beautiful pictures, I paint life's true feelings.
I don't fictionalize. All those feelings that I wrote were real. All feelings that I will write are real. My feelings as how I feel it. But I only write when I am in the moment. So those feelings were real at time of writing (or should I say, typing). Some were even long gone before I click the "Publish Post" button. So please erase the impression that I am having a sad life. I am living a life with all of its emotions in much abundance. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel angry, I get excited. I am normal. So if you never feel happy, or sad, or angry, or know how pure absurd it feels for tripping on the side walk, then I suggest you enroll in Emo 101.
I am a writer. I write.
I take it to another level where I try to relate to you what I feel, in my own words. I elaborate where needed, I simplify where I should, I use repetitious tones to create emotions. I try different styles, different tones, different ways as and when I feel like it. I experiment with words, I turn nouns into verbs and toss in some irregularities like spice to the curry. But the rest is your creation. Trust me, I didn't make you feel sad when you read my entry on sadness. It's you, you did it to yourself!
See, your eyes capture the words on the screen and send them to your brain. The brain, in the fastest speed not described by men, analyzes, searches and matches those words with the emotions in your memory bank. The moment they match, signals are strewn all over your body and whether it likes it or not, it reacts exactly as how the words are supposed to feel as according to your dictionary defined by you. Your heart races, you palpitate, you salivate, your pupils dilate... All these in less than a nanosecond. And you say I'm the sad one? No, you are! I'm just the writer... :)
Gosh, written words are powerful.
So powerful that people believe what they read. And they believe it as how they want to believe it. No wonder people buy newspapers. I guess the rationale of newspapers is that you can read it over and over again and everytime you read it, you get a different understanding and that makes newspapers sell. People just want to re-believe what they read. :P
So next time you read anything, please don't take it at face value. It may be your brain deceiving you.
:D
P/S: I totally understand if you refuse to read my column in The Star (*wink* reading is believing).
Saturday, January 3, 2009
In Pursuit of Happyness
Some time back in 2007, Will Smith produced a movie called "In Pursuit of Happyness". (The misspelling was intentional in the movie title - it was how the main character's son spelt it in the movie.)
The movie was about one man's hardship after his wife left him. Left with a young son, the man tried to make the best of what he had, but he could hardly make ends meet. When they got evicted from their home, they slept in shelters with other homeless. When they had no luck and all the shelters were full, they had to sleep in toilets and wake up early the next day so that no one saw them sleeping there.
The movie portrayed a father's determination to give a form of happiness to his child when he himself was at times overwhelmed by self-pity, sadness and helplessness. It was a very emotional movie. It made me cry.
So I ask what is happiness? How does it look like? How does it feel? Many say that happiness is within us. Some say happiness is all around us. Others would say happiness is subjective to each and every one of us.
But none would explain how to tell the existence of happiness. Is it in a smile? (I can fake a happy smile.) Is it in the voice? (I can perk up in an instant and no one can tell that I am not happy.) Is it in the face? Is it in the voice? No one can tell.
How does happiness look like? In what form does it come to us? Does it look like a train? A tree? Is it green? Or is it blue? Or is it as beautiful as the rainbow after an evening rain? Does it come in the form of paper money? Luxury cars? Maybe mansions?
How long does happiness last? Does it last forever? Or is it for a while? When you feel sad in between happiness, does it mean you're not totally happy? I wonder.
Where does happiness reside? In the heart? Nonsense. A heart is just an organ pumping blood thru the body. But why does it feel good in the chest after a laugh with friends or after a deep long kiss with the love of your life? Does happiness lodge in the brain? But the brain certainly doesn't feel any lighter when given the keys to your dream car. It feels blank, yes. But not lighter.
Where can we find happiness? But how can we tell it's happiness when we don't know what it is, how it looks like or in what form it exists?
Is it possible that we are staring happiness right in the eye and yet not knowing that it's it?
*sigh*
Makes me feel sad not knowing what happiness is. I know sadness tho - it feels like thousands of tiny invisible needles pricking the inner mass of the chest. It hurts so much that sometimes you can hear your heartbeat skip to bear the pain. Sometimes, the inner chest feels tugged and pulled like a child tugging the end of your dress. And there are times when the tugging is so strong, it mimics a sharp knife stabbing swiftly right thru the chest. Simultaneous with the stab, the eyes feel like they are stamped with hot irons and tears immediately and uncontrollably well up and eventually fall on the cheeks.
And the whole body feels lifeless, helpless and heavy.
Sometimes sadness will fade away after a good long sob. Sometimes it lingers around for days, at times months, and if you're lucky - years.
And you will know when sadness hit you. It's like walking thru a dark cloud; you'll suffocate and choke the instant you breathe sadness in.
Sadness doesn't have any shape; it's not visible to men nor women. It moves like the breeze of the ocean: soft, silky and smooth.
I too know where sadness resides. It's present address is everywhere in the past - every corner, every milestone, every memory that is etched in your memory box. It lurks around pictures, scents and sights. It loves hospitals, cars, previous houses you stayed in, everything. Sometimes sadness feels cheeky and become the shadow of someone you love, following that someone and causing his/her presence turn you all heavy and hurtful.
And I too know that sadness has its allies - anger, resentment, despise, hatred. Most times they work subtly and unnoticeably alongside sadness. But mostly, sadness works alone. Only that it hurts even more with the presence of fantastic 4.
Wonder why I can describe sadness in such detail.
Maybe it's time I pursue happiness...
The movie was about one man's hardship after his wife left him. Left with a young son, the man tried to make the best of what he had, but he could hardly make ends meet. When they got evicted from their home, they slept in shelters with other homeless. When they had no luck and all the shelters were full, they had to sleep in toilets and wake up early the next day so that no one saw them sleeping there.
The movie portrayed a father's determination to give a form of happiness to his child when he himself was at times overwhelmed by self-pity, sadness and helplessness. It was a very emotional movie. It made me cry.
So I ask what is happiness? How does it look like? How does it feel? Many say that happiness is within us. Some say happiness is all around us. Others would say happiness is subjective to each and every one of us.
But none would explain how to tell the existence of happiness. Is it in a smile? (I can fake a happy smile.) Is it in the voice? (I can perk up in an instant and no one can tell that I am not happy.) Is it in the face? Is it in the voice? No one can tell.
How does happiness look like? In what form does it come to us? Does it look like a train? A tree? Is it green? Or is it blue? Or is it as beautiful as the rainbow after an evening rain? Does it come in the form of paper money? Luxury cars? Maybe mansions?
How long does happiness last? Does it last forever? Or is it for a while? When you feel sad in between happiness, does it mean you're not totally happy? I wonder.
Where does happiness reside? In the heart? Nonsense. A heart is just an organ pumping blood thru the body. But why does it feel good in the chest after a laugh with friends or after a deep long kiss with the love of your life? Does happiness lodge in the brain? But the brain certainly doesn't feel any lighter when given the keys to your dream car. It feels blank, yes. But not lighter.
Where can we find happiness? But how can we tell it's happiness when we don't know what it is, how it looks like or in what form it exists?
Is it possible that we are staring happiness right in the eye and yet not knowing that it's it?
*sigh*
Makes me feel sad not knowing what happiness is. I know sadness tho - it feels like thousands of tiny invisible needles pricking the inner mass of the chest. It hurts so much that sometimes you can hear your heartbeat skip to bear the pain. Sometimes, the inner chest feels tugged and pulled like a child tugging the end of your dress. And there are times when the tugging is so strong, it mimics a sharp knife stabbing swiftly right thru the chest. Simultaneous with the stab, the eyes feel like they are stamped with hot irons and tears immediately and uncontrollably well up and eventually fall on the cheeks.
And the whole body feels lifeless, helpless and heavy.
Sometimes sadness will fade away after a good long sob. Sometimes it lingers around for days, at times months, and if you're lucky - years.
And you will know when sadness hit you. It's like walking thru a dark cloud; you'll suffocate and choke the instant you breathe sadness in.
Sadness doesn't have any shape; it's not visible to men nor women. It moves like the breeze of the ocean: soft, silky and smooth.
I too know where sadness resides. It's present address is everywhere in the past - every corner, every milestone, every memory that is etched in your memory box. It lurks around pictures, scents and sights. It loves hospitals, cars, previous houses you stayed in, everything. Sometimes sadness feels cheeky and become the shadow of someone you love, following that someone and causing his/her presence turn you all heavy and hurtful.
And I too know that sadness has its allies - anger, resentment, despise, hatred. Most times they work subtly and unnoticeably alongside sadness. But mostly, sadness works alone. Only that it hurts even more with the presence of fantastic 4.
Wonder why I can describe sadness in such detail.
Maybe it's time I pursue happiness...
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Stepping into 2009...
Can't help but feel melancholic stepping into 2009. Just a couple of days ago, I felt the same way after listening to the imam at Masjid Negara citing the awal muharam du'a.
Part of me says it's just another day. Just a change of date, nothing more. Life goes on as it has always been. But another part of me says it's not. It's a new book, new appraisal but I don't seem to have a new attitude for the new year. As a matter of fact, I don't have the strength to go thru the same things again in 2009.
Maybe I need to berhijrah myself. Not just emotionally, but also physically.
Start a new leaf.
But it's easier said than done for me. Guess I have to stick up and go thru another year of dragging my feet along while hoping for the skies to stay clear for the rays to come thru.
*sigh*
Part of me says it's just another day. Just a change of date, nothing more. Life goes on as it has always been. But another part of me says it's not. It's a new book, new appraisal but I don't seem to have a new attitude for the new year. As a matter of fact, I don't have the strength to go thru the same things again in 2009.
Maybe I need to berhijrah myself. Not just emotionally, but also physically.
Start a new leaf.
But it's easier said than done for me. Guess I have to stick up and go thru another year of dragging my feet along while hoping for the skies to stay clear for the rays to come thru.
*sigh*
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