It was really difficult at first when she came. Matter of fact, it was already difficult for me to accept her being around even before she was born.
Being an only child for 13 years, I was already used to having the whole house to myself.
And then she arrived. Two months early and fragile and all the attention was on her. We had to put up at nenek's for the whole 2 months that my mom was in confinement. Owh, and we were getting adjusted that we had just gotten back from Glasgow. It was one of the worst moments in my life.
I remember having to do the houseworks; preparing for ayah's morning nescafe, cleaning the house. I remember dreading what I had to do. The first few days that mama was admited, I forgot to take the trash out. When I opened the trash bin to take the trash, I was shocked by the amount of huge maggots that hovered the bin! I remembered having my cousin cycling over with a can of Ridsect on his BMX to rescue me the housework princess. :)
And it was just right that I blamed her for me having to go through all these, right? :D
And then since she was small, she would always stole the limelight . Having been born at 7 months, almost everyone in the family was at awe with her growth. She grew up chubby and cute, with curly hair and all. I always found her annoying especially whenever she came into my room and ransacked my bookshelves. I would always find it irritating that mama would always back her up whenever I scold her or chase her out of my room. Could not close my door as she'd be banging from outside, yet the sound of her in my room was totalling disturbing.
I think I only spent a total of 5 years staying under the same roof as her. I was elated to be taken out of the house to do my preparatory studies in Shah Alam. Occasional coming home would have me see her grown, yet never able to absorb her into my life.
By the time I was to fly off, she wasn't even in Primary One. The geographical distant further put a distance between us.
I came back after 2 years from The States hauling a husband, and that made things even worse. I was closer to my friends and she was closer to hers. Conversations were short and awkward, hardly the same wavelength. But almost 2 years after that, I had my first born and that was when I came to know of my sister's affection for children, especially her niece. I can still recall how she would love to stroke her newborn niece's hair softly. She had this awe on her face everytime she did that. And a satisfied smile every time.
Years passed and the gap was closing but not progressive. There were days when we tried to strike a conversation and it ended just like that.
Until one day when ayah asked me to talk to her after her SPM. She was insistance on going into catering when her results way surpassed the requirement. I remember sprawling on the floor in my living room exploring what she'd want to do for her future. I remember having given that burden and seeing ayah's face all relieved not having to do that alone.
Had to do the same thing after she finished her matriculation.
Bergolek on her bed trying to figure out where she should apply for her to complete her degree. I must say these actually narrowed the gap I had been having with her. We finally found one common ground to talk and share...
And she has etched herself as the favorite
anyah for the girls.
But it was until a month ago that I really really come to appreciate her. Having been willing to help me through one of the slums in my life. She has been a great supporter, though silent and non-offensive, but ever efficient. She has been the sunshine for her nieces, all the time dotting and giving in. She cooked their favorite dishes, listened to them whine, became the replacement mom while I sunk into my black hole.
I know for the life of me, that I can never repay her. I can only pray that He does it for me.
And I hope that she knows I am proud to have her as my one and only sister.
