Almost A Month!

I was surprised to see that I haven't written anything in almost a month. I must have been THAT busy to not have time to layan my emotions.

But the truth is, I have been layan-ing my emotions almost everyday. Fighting myself out of bed every morning, coaxing myself with sweet promises, indulging myself in lies upon lies upon lies that all is well and that I love my job.

The fact is, I do love my job. I love the new things that I learn everyday. I love the fact that somewhere along the line, what I do now would matter at the end of the year. I love it that I learn to read media kits from the niche magazines; I love it that my newsletters would be read by people all around the world (though some may end up in their spam box). I love the fact that I am a small tiny molecule alongside the many other molecules trying to make a national event successful. I love being the small drive that contribute to a huge result.

But there is too many things to do at one time. There are too many urgent matters that require attention yesterday and not today. There are too many pending tasks that could have been tabled last week but are still untouched this week. And there's only 24 hours in a day, not to mention that now we have about a minute plus less everyday due to the earth movement during the Japan catastrophe.

And me being me, one who would lay out everything one by one, piece by piece, just cannot sprint at the rate that the team would want me to. Slow and steady is not how the game is played. In this game, the tortoise will never win. I have to be the hare, but I am not the hare. I can't run as fast as the hare, not only that I don't have the stamina, I also don't have the knowledge to run that fast. I do not know the nooks and crannies as to figure out a shortcut. I am looking at the map and trying to catch up with the race at the same time. Oh, let me tell you that the map is actually a blank piece.

So there you go.

My daily emotional roller coaster ride. I may be able to hype myself up and out of the house, but the moment I step into the office, the whole hype disappear with the thin air. I become lifeless, like a puppet without its master. But surprisingly, a lifeless puppet I am but still able to push myself to work pass 12 hours on certain days. :P

But I keep telling myself - I love my job. *SIGH*