Yes, yes... I admit I speak too much sometimes. I always have comments and I always find flaws in everything and anything that others do.
Especially when it comes to managing people's expectation, staff or project.
Because I always sit on this side and not that. Like the saying - easier said than done.
Because my projects have always consisted of me, me and me. (And a clerk to help with documentation and heavy lifting tasks.)
Because I deal directly with the big boss.
So this is my first. To prove my point and to practise what I preach. To not do those mistakes I pointed out.
But it's not easy. Yes, I, the one who talks so much and does so little, admit that managing a project is not easy. Every micro-angle needs to be analysed. I can't do what I used to do - on the spot decision, harsh rejection, spur of the moment bashing.
Because this time, I deal with human and not robots. Because human have varying understanding of matters, different perspectives. Because I am not the client. And they are not the contractors.
Those jargons from Human Relations 101 seem to line up and take turns to appear in the scene. Delegation. Done. Communication. Done. Empowerment. Done.
Opps, STOP! Back track. Empowerment. Review needed.
I learnt that empowerment creates sense of ownership that may contribute to the success of a project. But unmonitored empowerment may cause staff to take advantage and use the power to his/her own benefits. But if you empower, yet you monitor, what's the point of empowering?
The problem of managing a project alone is that you and only you are accountable and answerable for everything that you do. So to avoid scrutiny, ions have to be laid out, analyzed and carefully planned. Even the alternative plans are laid out in case of emergency.
The problem of managing a project alone is that your brain works 24/7. Even your dreams become your drawing board. You breathe, eat, drink, smell the project. You practically live your every day in it.
The problem of managing a project alone is that when you have to manage a group of people to do what you do best alone, you tend to want to see the picture all the time. Because working alone puts you constantly behind the wheel, you wonder where the wheel is and start to hallucinate a functional wheel.
One really has to make numerous stops to analyze the situation. To guide or to let them figure out on their own. To dictate or not to dictate. To get consensus or to veto.
Wow. What experience.
Sure will keep my mouth shut for a while.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Believe What You Read, Not!
I guess I may have stirred some emotions with my previous entry.
I'm elated!
See, I was actually experimenting with my writing. There was nothing interesting in politics, kids are still learning Maths and Science in English, weather has been swell, life seems mundane and I have nothing to write!
OK, I was feeling a bit low when I started writing. But hey, everyone has their low moments! So, why cuff me and put me in jail? Don't tell me you never feel sad even once in your life. You must be either thick-skinned or just plain robot.
When I got to the second part (after *sigh*), I felt a pang in my chest when I typed "I feel sad not knowing happiness". Then I thought, why not I give it a try and explain what sadness is. You can't blame a writer, can you? A writer needs a practise field, and my practise field is my blog. You think this is my diary? Snap out of it! And I am not writing my daily affairs, OK? If you need half-daily update on my life, read my Facebook status.
I don't paint beautiful pictures, I paint life's true feelings.
I don't fictionalize. All those feelings that I wrote were real. All feelings that I will write are real. My feelings as how I feel it. But I only write when I am in the moment. So those feelings were real at time of writing (or should I say, typing). Some were even long gone before I click the "Publish Post" button. So please erase the impression that I am having a sad life. I am living a life with all of its emotions in much abundance. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel angry, I get excited. I am normal. So if you never feel happy, or sad, or angry, or know how pure absurd it feels for tripping on the side walk, then I suggest you enroll in Emo 101.
I am a writer. I write.
I take it to another level where I try to relate to you what I feel, in my own words. I elaborate where needed, I simplify where I should, I use repetitious tones to create emotions. I try different styles, different tones, different ways as and when I feel like it. I experiment with words, I turn nouns into verbs and toss in some irregularities like spice to the curry. But the rest is your creation. Trust me, I didn't make you feel sad when you read my entry on sadness. It's you, you did it to yourself!
See, your eyes capture the words on the screen and send them to your brain. The brain, in the fastest speed not described by men, analyzes, searches and matches those words with the emotions in your memory bank. The moment they match, signals are strewn all over your body and whether it likes it or not, it reacts exactly as how the words are supposed to feel as according to your dictionary defined by you. Your heart races, you palpitate, you salivate, your pupils dilate... All these in less than a nanosecond. And you say I'm the sad one? No, you are! I'm just the writer... :)
Gosh, written words are powerful.
So powerful that people believe what they read. And they believe it as how they want to believe it. No wonder people buy newspapers. I guess the rationale of newspapers is that you can read it over and over again and everytime you read it, you get a different understanding and that makes newspapers sell. People just want to re-believe what they read. :P
So next time you read anything, please don't take it at face value. It may be your brain deceiving you.
:D
P/S: I totally understand if you refuse to read my column in The Star (*wink* reading is believing).
I'm elated!
See, I was actually experimenting with my writing. There was nothing interesting in politics, kids are still learning Maths and Science in English, weather has been swell, life seems mundane and I have nothing to write!
OK, I was feeling a bit low when I started writing. But hey, everyone has their low moments! So, why cuff me and put me in jail? Don't tell me you never feel sad even once in your life. You must be either thick-skinned or just plain robot.
When I got to the second part (after *sigh*), I felt a pang in my chest when I typed "I feel sad not knowing happiness". Then I thought, why not I give it a try and explain what sadness is. You can't blame a writer, can you? A writer needs a practise field, and my practise field is my blog. You think this is my diary? Snap out of it! And I am not writing my daily affairs, OK? If you need half-daily update on my life, read my Facebook status.
I don't paint beautiful pictures, I paint life's true feelings.
I don't fictionalize. All those feelings that I wrote were real. All feelings that I will write are real. My feelings as how I feel it. But I only write when I am in the moment. So those feelings were real at time of writing (or should I say, typing). Some were even long gone before I click the "Publish Post" button. So please erase the impression that I am having a sad life. I am living a life with all of its emotions in much abundance. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel angry, I get excited. I am normal. So if you never feel happy, or sad, or angry, or know how pure absurd it feels for tripping on the side walk, then I suggest you enroll in Emo 101.
I am a writer. I write.
I take it to another level where I try to relate to you what I feel, in my own words. I elaborate where needed, I simplify where I should, I use repetitious tones to create emotions. I try different styles, different tones, different ways as and when I feel like it. I experiment with words, I turn nouns into verbs and toss in some irregularities like spice to the curry. But the rest is your creation. Trust me, I didn't make you feel sad when you read my entry on sadness. It's you, you did it to yourself!
See, your eyes capture the words on the screen and send them to your brain. The brain, in the fastest speed not described by men, analyzes, searches and matches those words with the emotions in your memory bank. The moment they match, signals are strewn all over your body and whether it likes it or not, it reacts exactly as how the words are supposed to feel as according to your dictionary defined by you. Your heart races, you palpitate, you salivate, your pupils dilate... All these in less than a nanosecond. And you say I'm the sad one? No, you are! I'm just the writer... :)
Gosh, written words are powerful.
So powerful that people believe what they read. And they believe it as how they want to believe it. No wonder people buy newspapers. I guess the rationale of newspapers is that you can read it over and over again and everytime you read it, you get a different understanding and that makes newspapers sell. People just want to re-believe what they read. :P
So next time you read anything, please don't take it at face value. It may be your brain deceiving you.
:D
P/S: I totally understand if you refuse to read my column in The Star (*wink* reading is believing).
Saturday, January 3, 2009
In Pursuit of Happyness
Some time back in 2007, Will Smith produced a movie called "In Pursuit of Happyness". (The misspelling was intentional in the movie title - it was how the main character's son spelt it in the movie.)
The movie was about one man's hardship after his wife left him. Left with a young son, the man tried to make the best of what he had, but he could hardly make ends meet. When they got evicted from their home, they slept in shelters with other homeless. When they had no luck and all the shelters were full, they had to sleep in toilets and wake up early the next day so that no one saw them sleeping there.
The movie portrayed a father's determination to give a form of happiness to his child when he himself was at times overwhelmed by self-pity, sadness and helplessness. It was a very emotional movie. It made me cry.
So I ask what is happiness? How does it look like? How does it feel? Many say that happiness is within us. Some say happiness is all around us. Others would say happiness is subjective to each and every one of us.
But none would explain how to tell the existence of happiness. Is it in a smile? (I can fake a happy smile.) Is it in the voice? (I can perk up in an instant and no one can tell that I am not happy.) Is it in the face? Is it in the voice? No one can tell.
How does happiness look like? In what form does it come to us? Does it look like a train? A tree? Is it green? Or is it blue? Or is it as beautiful as the rainbow after an evening rain? Does it come in the form of paper money? Luxury cars? Maybe mansions?
How long does happiness last? Does it last forever? Or is it for a while? When you feel sad in between happiness, does it mean you're not totally happy? I wonder.
Where does happiness reside? In the heart? Nonsense. A heart is just an organ pumping blood thru the body. But why does it feel good in the chest after a laugh with friends or after a deep long kiss with the love of your life? Does happiness lodge in the brain? But the brain certainly doesn't feel any lighter when given the keys to your dream car. It feels blank, yes. But not lighter.
Where can we find happiness? But how can we tell it's happiness when we don't know what it is, how it looks like or in what form it exists?
Is it possible that we are staring happiness right in the eye and yet not knowing that it's it?
*sigh*
Makes me feel sad not knowing what happiness is. I know sadness tho - it feels like thousands of tiny invisible needles pricking the inner mass of the chest. It hurts so much that sometimes you can hear your heartbeat skip to bear the pain. Sometimes, the inner chest feels tugged and pulled like a child tugging the end of your dress. And there are times when the tugging is so strong, it mimics a sharp knife stabbing swiftly right thru the chest. Simultaneous with the stab, the eyes feel like they are stamped with hot irons and tears immediately and uncontrollably well up and eventually fall on the cheeks.
And the whole body feels lifeless, helpless and heavy.
Sometimes sadness will fade away after a good long sob. Sometimes it lingers around for days, at times months, and if you're lucky - years.
And you will know when sadness hit you. It's like walking thru a dark cloud; you'll suffocate and choke the instant you breathe sadness in.
Sadness doesn't have any shape; it's not visible to men nor women. It moves like the breeze of the ocean: soft, silky and smooth.
I too know where sadness resides. It's present address is everywhere in the past - every corner, every milestone, every memory that is etched in your memory box. It lurks around pictures, scents and sights. It loves hospitals, cars, previous houses you stayed in, everything. Sometimes sadness feels cheeky and become the shadow of someone you love, following that someone and causing his/her presence turn you all heavy and hurtful.
And I too know that sadness has its allies - anger, resentment, despise, hatred. Most times they work subtly and unnoticeably alongside sadness. But mostly, sadness works alone. Only that it hurts even more with the presence of fantastic 4.
Wonder why I can describe sadness in such detail.
Maybe it's time I pursue happiness...
The movie was about one man's hardship after his wife left him. Left with a young son, the man tried to make the best of what he had, but he could hardly make ends meet. When they got evicted from their home, they slept in shelters with other homeless. When they had no luck and all the shelters were full, they had to sleep in toilets and wake up early the next day so that no one saw them sleeping there.
The movie portrayed a father's determination to give a form of happiness to his child when he himself was at times overwhelmed by self-pity, sadness and helplessness. It was a very emotional movie. It made me cry.
So I ask what is happiness? How does it look like? How does it feel? Many say that happiness is within us. Some say happiness is all around us. Others would say happiness is subjective to each and every one of us.
But none would explain how to tell the existence of happiness. Is it in a smile? (I can fake a happy smile.) Is it in the voice? (I can perk up in an instant and no one can tell that I am not happy.) Is it in the face? Is it in the voice? No one can tell.
How does happiness look like? In what form does it come to us? Does it look like a train? A tree? Is it green? Or is it blue? Or is it as beautiful as the rainbow after an evening rain? Does it come in the form of paper money? Luxury cars? Maybe mansions?
How long does happiness last? Does it last forever? Or is it for a while? When you feel sad in between happiness, does it mean you're not totally happy? I wonder.
Where does happiness reside? In the heart? Nonsense. A heart is just an organ pumping blood thru the body. But why does it feel good in the chest after a laugh with friends or after a deep long kiss with the love of your life? Does happiness lodge in the brain? But the brain certainly doesn't feel any lighter when given the keys to your dream car. It feels blank, yes. But not lighter.
Where can we find happiness? But how can we tell it's happiness when we don't know what it is, how it looks like or in what form it exists?
Is it possible that we are staring happiness right in the eye and yet not knowing that it's it?
*sigh*
Makes me feel sad not knowing what happiness is. I know sadness tho - it feels like thousands of tiny invisible needles pricking the inner mass of the chest. It hurts so much that sometimes you can hear your heartbeat skip to bear the pain. Sometimes, the inner chest feels tugged and pulled like a child tugging the end of your dress. And there are times when the tugging is so strong, it mimics a sharp knife stabbing swiftly right thru the chest. Simultaneous with the stab, the eyes feel like they are stamped with hot irons and tears immediately and uncontrollably well up and eventually fall on the cheeks.
And the whole body feels lifeless, helpless and heavy.
Sometimes sadness will fade away after a good long sob. Sometimes it lingers around for days, at times months, and if you're lucky - years.
And you will know when sadness hit you. It's like walking thru a dark cloud; you'll suffocate and choke the instant you breathe sadness in.
Sadness doesn't have any shape; it's not visible to men nor women. It moves like the breeze of the ocean: soft, silky and smooth.
I too know where sadness resides. It's present address is everywhere in the past - every corner, every milestone, every memory that is etched in your memory box. It lurks around pictures, scents and sights. It loves hospitals, cars, previous houses you stayed in, everything. Sometimes sadness feels cheeky and become the shadow of someone you love, following that someone and causing his/her presence turn you all heavy and hurtful.
And I too know that sadness has its allies - anger, resentment, despise, hatred. Most times they work subtly and unnoticeably alongside sadness. But mostly, sadness works alone. Only that it hurts even more with the presence of fantastic 4.
Wonder why I can describe sadness in such detail.
Maybe it's time I pursue happiness...
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Stepping into 2009...
Can't help but feel melancholic stepping into 2009. Just a couple of days ago, I felt the same way after listening to the imam at Masjid Negara citing the awal muharam du'a.
Part of me says it's just another day. Just a change of date, nothing more. Life goes on as it has always been. But another part of me says it's not. It's a new book, new appraisal but I don't seem to have a new attitude for the new year. As a matter of fact, I don't have the strength to go thru the same things again in 2009.
Maybe I need to berhijrah myself. Not just emotionally, but also physically.
Start a new leaf.
But it's easier said than done for me. Guess I have to stick up and go thru another year of dragging my feet along while hoping for the skies to stay clear for the rays to come thru.
*sigh*
Part of me says it's just another day. Just a change of date, nothing more. Life goes on as it has always been. But another part of me says it's not. It's a new book, new appraisal but I don't seem to have a new attitude for the new year. As a matter of fact, I don't have the strength to go thru the same things again in 2009.
Maybe I need to berhijrah myself. Not just emotionally, but also physically.
Start a new leaf.
But it's easier said than done for me. Guess I have to stick up and go thru another year of dragging my feet along while hoping for the skies to stay clear for the rays to come thru.
*sigh*
Saturday, December 27, 2008
My Blog My Way
Oh boy...
Guess I just get this over with. But I'm doing it my way...
"Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog."
My way:
1. I'm doing only the wierd facts about me unknown to most around me.
2. I'm not tagging anyone after this. :P Sorry!
My 7 wierd habits:
Guess I just get this over with. But I'm doing it my way...
"Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog."
My way:
1. I'm doing only the wierd facts about me unknown to most around me.
2. I'm not tagging anyone after this. :P Sorry!
My 7 wierd habits:
- I name my beloved inanimate possessions. Back when I was a teenager, I had a walkman named Man II. That was the start of it. Now I have Blue (no guessing there), Stealth (my ever loyal phone cum PDA cum iPod cum notetaker cum everything-I-want-it-to-be) and White (my sleek and sporty netbook that reminds me of White 7-series Bimmers).
- I collect paperbags and end their cycle. Those beautiful paperbags will go into my storeroom and will never see the light anymore! Whenever I get nice paperbags, I'll admire them, fold them nicely and will never see them again, ever. Because to me it's a sin to spoil beautiful paperbags by using them over and over again, what's more to give them to someone else. (Ah, the sin fact is #2A. *wink*)
- I never use corporate gifts that I get from vendors, counterparts or events. Again, it's a sin to use beautiful things! Most of the gifts I receive will end up for display on my cubicle. Well... actually I use them as handy reference whenever I need to do up corporate gifts for my events. :P Just the other day, I pulled out this nifty notebook that was meant to be used in 2007 to advertise LIMA 07. It's coming to LIMA 09 and that notebook looks like new! As it is a sin to use nifty things, I put it back next to another untouched (and beautiful) notebook given by a contractor.
- I have a hard time using other people's toilets. Even when in the office, I'd run back to my division if I need to. This is actually the one thing that irks me if I travel - I need clean toilets or toilets I am already used to! For unfamiliar and uncharted toilet territories, I'd send a messenger (the eldest girl, who else?) to check out the condition of the toilet under consideration and she'd come back with a full report! Darn... if only I can turn my toilet into a portable one and save her from her reporting! *sigh*
- I'm squirmish even with my own fallen hair. Can't explain that, but I'd use a piece of tissue paper to pick up my own hairballs. :P
- If I were the last to leave the office, before switching off the lights I'd give a loud salam towards the back of the office. Mind you, it does give me a spooky feeling everytime I do it. But I don't know why I still do it.
- It's against my conscience to use 50 sen coins. All 50 sen coins that land in my hands are bound for the piggy bank. I hate feeling refrained from using those coins if I have some in the handbag; I especially hate it when I don't have exact change for the autopay machines - those machines cough up 50 sen coins that my conscience tell me not to use! I hate it when the toll-girl at AKLEH gives back 50 sen change for the RM2 that I pay to get thru. I hate it when the mamak returns 60 sen with one 50 sen and one 10 sen when I pay for my breakfast. Just because my conscience says 50 sen coins are not to be used!
There you go! Some skeletons out from the closet... Good thing this tag thingy only needs me to list 7. I'm pretty sure I have more but I think I embarrased myself enough for the entry.
:D
Goodbye 2008, Welcome 1430
The curtains are closing for 2008. 361 days ago, I wondered how I'd get thru the year.
And I'm wondering the same now for 2009.
What will chart my life?
What will scar my emotions?
What will heal me?
What will harm me?
*sigh*
Selamat Maal Hijrah 1430!
And I'm wondering the same now for 2009.
What will chart my life?
What will scar my emotions?
What will heal me?
What will harm me?
*sigh*
Selamat Maal Hijrah 1430!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
To Spend or Not To Spend, That is the Question
It's been playing in my mind for the past week. To help the economy or not to help the economy. Of course, one woman's spending doesn't affect the economy at all. But if all women in the country decide not to spend, then the economy shrinks and the big G may announce a recession. See, I'm scared of the word 'recession'.
For the past few nights, my decisions have been back and forth on eating out.
Right brain: Let's go eat out, yeay!!! KFC? McD? Kedai nenek?
Left brain: Cook laaaa... why waste money?
Right brain: No mood to cook la.... chicken not thawed yet laa... (giving all sorts of excuses).
Left brain: Aiya, spent on lunch already... cook laaa... save some money...
Me: Hmmmmmm... (looking all lost and unsure, staring blankly into space)
For the past couple of nights, the left brain won. We stayed in, I cooked dinner. The girls were elated. But it got me thinking.
Petrol price gone down, food prices still the same. People eat out less, people eat in more. Better health for people, yes. But better health for economy? No. Despite the reduction in petrol price, I think KL-ians are prudent these days. Despite no recession announcement by the government, I am very sure that some of us are starting to feel the heat that's melting the world's economy. Reading the newspaper is a mood-turner for sure. It's just depressing to read about people losing jobs - I for one lost my job in the 1998 recession, and I know how it feels to suddenly lose the ability to provide for one's family. Although I am still sticking to my belief that more people are on the road now that they can buy more petrol with less money, I do believe that they don't simply spend on materials they don't need.
Or maybe I have been the only one staying indoors and keeping my money to myself?
If I spend whatever that I have now, what would I hang on to if I become the victim of the global meltdown? But if I don't spend now, I'm helping the country's economy to shrink and eventually I become the victim of the global meltdown!
So it's like the Malay saying - diluah mati mak, ditelan mati bapak. And I certainly wouldn't want to lose my parents over this!!
:P
For the past few nights, my decisions have been back and forth on eating out.
Right brain: Let's go eat out, yeay!!! KFC? McD? Kedai nenek?
Left brain: Cook laaaa... why waste money?
Right brain: No mood to cook la.... chicken not thawed yet laa... (giving all sorts of excuses).
Left brain: Aiya, spent on lunch already... cook laaa... save some money...
Me: Hmmmmmm... (looking all lost and unsure, staring blankly into space)
For the past couple of nights, the left brain won. We stayed in, I cooked dinner. The girls were elated. But it got me thinking.
Petrol price gone down, food prices still the same. People eat out less, people eat in more. Better health for people, yes. But better health for economy? No. Despite the reduction in petrol price, I think KL-ians are prudent these days. Despite no recession announcement by the government, I am very sure that some of us are starting to feel the heat that's melting the world's economy. Reading the newspaper is a mood-turner for sure. It's just depressing to read about people losing jobs - I for one lost my job in the 1998 recession, and I know how it feels to suddenly lose the ability to provide for one's family. Although I am still sticking to my belief that more people are on the road now that they can buy more petrol with less money, I do believe that they don't simply spend on materials they don't need.
Or maybe I have been the only one staying indoors and keeping my money to myself?
If I spend whatever that I have now, what would I hang on to if I become the victim of the global meltdown? But if I don't spend now, I'm helping the country's economy to shrink and eventually I become the victim of the global meltdown!
So it's like the Malay saying - diluah mati mak, ditelan mati bapak. And I certainly wouldn't want to lose my parents over this!!
:P
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Surprise Surprise!!
I do this for fun.
And it is amazingly fun!
It's fun to see that sometimes things fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle. It's fun to make sense out of things that may be incomprehensible at the moment of occurence. And it's really, truly fun to see that it actually matches what happens in real life!
See, I check my Chinese horoscope before the start of every Chinese New Year. I'm a Tiger, and I'm proud of being one. I am what you can call a Stinging Tiger - a crossbreed between a scorpion and a tiger. Two very mean and strong creatures, represent the devil in me. :P
But like I said, I do it for fun. I usually scoff my reading off by saying things will never happen as according to it, and only The Almighty has the final say in everything that happens in my life - plus, things happen for many reasons what we may or may not comprehend.
Nonetheless, the reading has been very very very interesting of late.
For instance, for 2007 it said that my career would soar and that I'd be noticed. When I first read it, it was nonsensical to me. In the previous year, 2006, I went thru series of BOI, show cause letter, warning letter and unfair appraisal. So me soaring was not a thing to believe. But I had a good 2007. Not only it was kind to me, I felt I was shining like the North Star - shining so bright I may have blinded my co-workers! :D
And the person who helped me soar was the exact person who caused the BOI ordeal!
Some story, eh?
Then for 2008, the forecast was that I wouldn't do as well as in 2007, but I'd still shine. It said that I'd struggle a little. That needs no analyzing - I was struggling with no exciting tasks since end of April! I have been dragging myself out from the house knowing that nothing will top the excitement I had in April - and I've been dragging my feet for 8 months now. A good long 8 months!!
But things are picking up...
Here's the best part of today's entry.
Since Chinese New Year is coming soon, I again thought I'd see what it says for me. And to my surprise! Here's what it says:
This aspect of the star That Sat might bring you new professional opportunities. Whether they are unexpected or come to reactivate a dormant project, many proposals will be made to you and you'll have to make a choice among them. Rely on your own intuition to make this choice. You may perhaps have to move or even to settle down abroad for your job. In any case, you'll have to make an effort at adaptation, but the game will be worth the candle.
You notice the underlined? Read again. You read it? Good...
I DID apply for a job outside of the country. And I have no faith in being called or considered for the post. It's just mind-boggling and I applied out of making sense of myself and what I want in life.
And I applied before I saw this comment.
Now, I AM NOT saying that I believe in this. I am just saying WHAT A COINCIDENCE THIS IS.
What were the odds? Zero to none! Really!
But... like I have always done - I'm brushing it off, scoffing it off, forgetting it and moving on. After all, I am looking forward to an exciting event in March and a series of great things after that too!
:D
And it is amazingly fun!
It's fun to see that sometimes things fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle. It's fun to make sense out of things that may be incomprehensible at the moment of occurence. And it's really, truly fun to see that it actually matches what happens in real life!
See, I check my Chinese horoscope before the start of every Chinese New Year. I'm a Tiger, and I'm proud of being one. I am what you can call a Stinging Tiger - a crossbreed between a scorpion and a tiger. Two very mean and strong creatures, represent the devil in me. :P
But like I said, I do it for fun. I usually scoff my reading off by saying things will never happen as according to it, and only The Almighty has the final say in everything that happens in my life - plus, things happen for many reasons what we may or may not comprehend.
Nonetheless, the reading has been very very very interesting of late.
For instance, for 2007 it said that my career would soar and that I'd be noticed. When I first read it, it was nonsensical to me. In the previous year, 2006, I went thru series of BOI, show cause letter, warning letter and unfair appraisal. So me soaring was not a thing to believe. But I had a good 2007. Not only it was kind to me, I felt I was shining like the North Star - shining so bright I may have blinded my co-workers! :D
And the person who helped me soar was the exact person who caused the BOI ordeal!
Some story, eh?
Then for 2008, the forecast was that I wouldn't do as well as in 2007, but I'd still shine. It said that I'd struggle a little. That needs no analyzing - I was struggling with no exciting tasks since end of April! I have been dragging myself out from the house knowing that nothing will top the excitement I had in April - and I've been dragging my feet for 8 months now. A good long 8 months!!
But things are picking up...
Here's the best part of today's entry.
Since Chinese New Year is coming soon, I again thought I'd see what it says for me. And to my surprise! Here's what it says:
This aspect of the star That Sat might bring you new professional opportunities. Whether they are unexpected or come to reactivate a dormant project, many proposals will be made to you and you'll have to make a choice among them. Rely on your own intuition to make this choice. You may perhaps have to move or even to settle down abroad for your job. In any case, you'll have to make an effort at adaptation, but the game will be worth the candle.
You notice the underlined? Read again. You read it? Good...
I DID apply for a job outside of the country. And I have no faith in being called or considered for the post. It's just mind-boggling and I applied out of making sense of myself and what I want in life.
And I applied before I saw this comment.
Now, I AM NOT saying that I believe in this. I am just saying WHAT A COINCIDENCE THIS IS.
What were the odds? Zero to none! Really!
But... like I have always done - I'm brushing it off, scoffing it off, forgetting it and moving on. After all, I am looking forward to an exciting event in March and a series of great things after that too!
:D
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
So I Thought
Most children these days have it good. Most kids these days know what McDonald's is, they have PSPs, probably know how to navigate the net let alone operate a computer.
When I was growing up, I thought God had thrown me to a wrong family. It was difficult for me to get anything. I believed that my father could not afford to get me fancy toys. When the craze was 'Game n Watch', I remember looking thru glass cases and wishing that my mother would read my mind and help me persuade my father to get me one. I remember it was Rm150 then. After a while, the price dropped to RM75 and my father still frowned whenever I stood still in front of the glass cases in one of the shops in old Semenyih town. He'd ignore my puppy look and pretend not to understand my intention.
You see, my father was the sole breadwinner. He was a lower middle-class government servant who quit teaching to join the Education Ministry. Our first house after my father was accepted into the ministry was a rented single-storey terrace. It was small, but big enough for a 7 year old to run around. Life was simple. I don't remember eating out. It was always homecooked meal. I remember envying my cousins who lived the next block, whose mom worked, often times eating out at warongs in Kajang town. My mom would always tell me that my aunty, her sister, could afford to eat out often because she worked. I always had the impression that we were not well-off at all.
I wondered why God gave me not-too-well-off parents.
I envied my cousins who would come over and show me their toys. Theirs seem cooler and captivating. They had those robots that can transform into cars and trucks... boys' toys, what can I say? For a girl who played dolls and bears all day, those Transformers definitely were eye-openers.
And I wondered why they were lucky to have working parents.
Little that I know then, that I was actually the blessed one. For one, my mother was very creative in the kitchen. Every afternoon, she would make traditional kuehs for tea. When my father arrived home from work, and as I recall it now, it was always at 5:30 pm (despite having to travel 32 kms), the three of us would sit and have tea. That would be the time when my mother would tend to her small garden, and my father would sit reading the newspaper, while I'd savor the tasty kueh that my mother had cooked up. Day in, day out. The only thing that would differ would be the kuehs.
During school holidays, my mother and I would make trips to the nearest China town on our bicycles. Or we'd cycle to my grandparents' and stay there until it's almost time for my father to arrive home.
Now that I have a family of my own, I realized that I was growing up in an almost perfect environment. Protected, sheltered, not pampered. And I forgot to mention I was the only child then. Looking at my kids, they haven't come close to the quality of life I was having then. As a working mom, I seldom cook. Homecooked meal would come once or twice on weeknights and once on weekends. I hardly make kuehs for afternoon tea. After all, one can't have tea when the mother arrives home past 6 and almost dinner time (need I mention that the travelling from home to work only takes 5 minutes?). And I hardly have time to cycle with my kids. Who does when there's laundry and other house chores to juggle?
I grew up amazed at my daun setawar farm, my kids grow up amazed at each other's PS2 skills. I grew up knowing the nooks and crannys of my neighborhood, my kids grow up knowing every corner of the house. I grew up having tasted every Malay kueh, my kids grow up knowing almost every warong in Taman Melawati.
And I thought I wasn't blessed...
:)
When I was growing up, I thought God had thrown me to a wrong family. It was difficult for me to get anything. I believed that my father could not afford to get me fancy toys. When the craze was 'Game n Watch', I remember looking thru glass cases and wishing that my mother would read my mind and help me persuade my father to get me one. I remember it was Rm150 then. After a while, the price dropped to RM75 and my father still frowned whenever I stood still in front of the glass cases in one of the shops in old Semenyih town. He'd ignore my puppy look and pretend not to understand my intention.
You see, my father was the sole breadwinner. He was a lower middle-class government servant who quit teaching to join the Education Ministry. Our first house after my father was accepted into the ministry was a rented single-storey terrace. It was small, but big enough for a 7 year old to run around. Life was simple. I don't remember eating out. It was always homecooked meal. I remember envying my cousins who lived the next block, whose mom worked, often times eating out at warongs in Kajang town. My mom would always tell me that my aunty, her sister, could afford to eat out often because she worked. I always had the impression that we were not well-off at all.
I wondered why God gave me not-too-well-off parents.
I envied my cousins who would come over and show me their toys. Theirs seem cooler and captivating. They had those robots that can transform into cars and trucks... boys' toys, what can I say? For a girl who played dolls and bears all day, those Transformers definitely were eye-openers.
And I wondered why they were lucky to have working parents.
Little that I know then, that I was actually the blessed one. For one, my mother was very creative in the kitchen. Every afternoon, she would make traditional kuehs for tea. When my father arrived home from work, and as I recall it now, it was always at 5:30 pm (despite having to travel 32 kms), the three of us would sit and have tea. That would be the time when my mother would tend to her small garden, and my father would sit reading the newspaper, while I'd savor the tasty kueh that my mother had cooked up. Day in, day out. The only thing that would differ would be the kuehs.
During school holidays, my mother and I would make trips to the nearest China town on our bicycles. Or we'd cycle to my grandparents' and stay there until it's almost time for my father to arrive home.
Now that I have a family of my own, I realized that I was growing up in an almost perfect environment. Protected, sheltered, not pampered. And I forgot to mention I was the only child then. Looking at my kids, they haven't come close to the quality of life I was having then. As a working mom, I seldom cook. Homecooked meal would come once or twice on weeknights and once on weekends. I hardly make kuehs for afternoon tea. After all, one can't have tea when the mother arrives home past 6 and almost dinner time (need I mention that the travelling from home to work only takes 5 minutes?). And I hardly have time to cycle with my kids. Who does when there's laundry and other house chores to juggle?
I grew up amazed at my daun setawar farm, my kids grow up amazed at each other's PS2 skills. I grew up knowing the nooks and crannys of my neighborhood, my kids grow up knowing every corner of the house. I grew up having tasted every Malay kueh, my kids grow up knowing almost every warong in Taman Melawati.
And I thought I wasn't blessed...
:)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Why?
Warning: Please read my disclaimer over and over and over again before you continue reading. The content you are about to read requires you to fully understand my disclaimer. Should you not understand my disclaimer, I suggest you read it over and over and over and over again until you do understand it before you proceed in reading this entry.
In the span of days, I have heard in person, 2 world leaders spoke at two separate functions.
They had both kept the audience waiting. One was stuck in a terrible KL traffic, while one was stuck somewhere I refuse to find out.
But when the first one arrived at the venue of his talk, he was received with a very warm standing ovation. He gave a smile, raised his hands and he immediately brought smile to his eagerly awaiting audience. When the second arrived, the audience was relieved and wished the function would go double speed so that it would end in time.
For the sake of easy reference, let me call the first one as A and the second one as B.
When A started his speech, he sounded very knowledgeable of his topic. He was able to capture his audience, who had waited for over 2 hours to hear him in person. His voice filled the hall. He mesmerized his audience with his intonation; his eye contact was superb. His confidence filled the air making his listeners glued to their seats. I for one was admiring his voice over the PA system. It sounded so charismatic that I bet if I had been in his campaign, I would be one who gave my all to see that he made it to office. Even if he wasn't too knowledgeable about his topic, he sure made it believeable that he is a specialist of it. When A ended his talk, the audience once again gave a standing ovation. He deserved it - the ovation, the 8 year term, the respect. I wished I was able to meet him in person to tell him how much at awe I am with him.
B, on the other hand, started his speech in a monotonous tone. By his second sentence, I was counting his run-ons. Then I started believing that had my Public Speaking lecturer be in the room, he's walk over and tell B to stop and go back to revise his speech and presentation skills. Then I thought, B must have flunked his Public Speaking class. Poor guy. I could hardly make out what he was talking in reference to the function. Maybe he was blabbering! Maybe he was sleep-talking! I dunno... but I couldn't grasp a thing he said. He must have been speaking in an alien's language such that I didn't understand a word he said other than 'thank you'. When B ended his speech, there was no ovation. Even the clapping of hands were like obligated claps. I wasn't at all at awe. In fact, I was nauseated. Nauseated at the fact that B is a national leader talking in front of international dignitaries. Nauseated at the fact that B sounded less charismatic, less convincing and not even close to being knowledgeable in his topic. And when I got to see B in person passing by, I wasn't at all excited. Why?
Why, when I should be proud of my national leaders. I should be one who is patriotic, when I am actually when I talk of issues I am passionate with. But why am I not proud? Why am I not excited? Why am I not honored to see B in person when I would push and shove to be able to see A up close?
Why?
------------------------------
Who? A was the Honorable William J Clinton. I was honored to be able to watch him speak of his economic ideologies on his first ever visit to Kuala Lumpur on the 5th of December 2008. B was the Honorable Dato' Seri Abdullah Badawi who launched the LIMA 09 exhibition on 9th December 2008.
In the span of days, I have heard in person, 2 world leaders spoke at two separate functions.
They had both kept the audience waiting. One was stuck in a terrible KL traffic, while one was stuck somewhere I refuse to find out.
But when the first one arrived at the venue of his talk, he was received with a very warm standing ovation. He gave a smile, raised his hands and he immediately brought smile to his eagerly awaiting audience. When the second arrived, the audience was relieved and wished the function would go double speed so that it would end in time.
For the sake of easy reference, let me call the first one as A and the second one as B.
When A started his speech, he sounded very knowledgeable of his topic. He was able to capture his audience, who had waited for over 2 hours to hear him in person. His voice filled the hall. He mesmerized his audience with his intonation; his eye contact was superb. His confidence filled the air making his listeners glued to their seats. I for one was admiring his voice over the PA system. It sounded so charismatic that I bet if I had been in his campaign, I would be one who gave my all to see that he made it to office. Even if he wasn't too knowledgeable about his topic, he sure made it believeable that he is a specialist of it. When A ended his talk, the audience once again gave a standing ovation. He deserved it - the ovation, the 8 year term, the respect. I wished I was able to meet him in person to tell him how much at awe I am with him.
B, on the other hand, started his speech in a monotonous tone. By his second sentence, I was counting his run-ons. Then I started believing that had my Public Speaking lecturer be in the room, he's walk over and tell B to stop and go back to revise his speech and presentation skills. Then I thought, B must have flunked his Public Speaking class. Poor guy. I could hardly make out what he was talking in reference to the function. Maybe he was blabbering! Maybe he was sleep-talking! I dunno... but I couldn't grasp a thing he said. He must have been speaking in an alien's language such that I didn't understand a word he said other than 'thank you'. When B ended his speech, there was no ovation. Even the clapping of hands were like obligated claps. I wasn't at all at awe. In fact, I was nauseated. Nauseated at the fact that B is a national leader talking in front of international dignitaries. Nauseated at the fact that B sounded less charismatic, less convincing and not even close to being knowledgeable in his topic. And when I got to see B in person passing by, I wasn't at all excited. Why?
Why, when I should be proud of my national leaders. I should be one who is patriotic, when I am actually when I talk of issues I am passionate with. But why am I not proud? Why am I not excited? Why am I not honored to see B in person when I would push and shove to be able to see A up close?
Why?
------------------------------
Who? A was the Honorable William J Clinton. I was honored to be able to watch him speak of his economic ideologies on his first ever visit to Kuala Lumpur on the 5th of December 2008. B was the Honorable Dato' Seri Abdullah Badawi who launched the LIMA 09 exhibition on 9th December 2008.
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