I confess. I have been battling with self-worth issues since I can remember. It's like battling cancer; the cancer cells keep coming back despite the therapies I go through. And it's spreading. And today - today the cancer cells attacked one of the major organs in my body. I feel weak, I feel blank. The hope that one of the recent therapies would at least halt the spread of the cancer cells have gone futile. As a matter of fact, the therapy back fires and damaged an organ instead.
I know I will still live through this damage. It's just that the damage marked the history of my life as one of life experiences' and mar the beautiful image life has been painting for me. I can't help feeling that I have lost hope on this battle. That I have no more strength to go through any more therapies. I know I am bullshitting myself left, right, front, back.
The blank feeling is dreadful.
When will this battle end? Can I end it? I wish I have the answer. For the moment, I am resorting to pretending that all these never happened - that the cancer cells did not attack my organ, that the therapy never actually existed.
For the moment I am praying that Permatang Pauh's by-election tomorrow brings good news. And I pray hard for DSAI and I pray hard for myself.
2 comments:
sedey sih..so i guess our date on this thursday, cancel eh? Then, we'll have lunch on friday n lepak-ing until 5.00 (coz me gonna hv small presentation with consultancy div around 530)...be strong woman!
:'(
Post a Comment